


Ice Cream and Booze

by AJ_Jesterdude_Gone_Wild



Category: Homestuck
Genre: (it's accidental), Alcohol, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Cock Slapping, Drunk Sex, Foot Massage, Ice Cream, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Multi, Oral Sex, Threesome - M/M/M, romcoms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:35:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21555595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AJ_Jesterdude_Gone_Wild/pseuds/AJ_Jesterdude_Gone_Wild
Summary: After failing to give his favorite motherfucker a good time in the last story (Relaxville), Gamzee sets out to try again one more time.(Don't worry, you don't HAVE to read Relaxville, but it'd still be nice if you did!)
Relationships: Gamzee Makara/Equius Zahhak, Gamzee Makara/Karkat Vantas, Gamzee Makara/Karkat Vantas/Equius Zahhak, Karkat Vantas/Equius Zahhak
Kudos: 38





	Ice Cream and Booze

Your name is GAMZEE MAKARA, and goddammit, you’re gonna give Karkat a good fucking time. The last time you tried to help your bro relax, Kanaya came in and ruined everything. Well, it was Sollux and Eridan who ruined it all. But that doesn’t matter to you right now. You’ve got to find Karkat.

You walk through the meteor, looking for your buddy high and low, and yet, no sign of him. It’s like he’s invisible or something. You walk into the computer room and scan around. He’s not here either.

“D --> Highb100d.”

You turn around to see Equius.

“HeY mAn, WhAt’S uP?”

“D --> Nothing. What are you 100king for?”

“KaRkAt. I’vE bEeN tRyInG tO hAvE a SwEeT lIl’ BrO hAnGoUt ThInG wItH hIm BuT i CaN’t FiNd HiM.”

“D --> Ah. I see.”

The two of you stand in awkward silence for a moment.

“I’m GoNnA gEt GoIn’ ThEn-“

“D --> Wait, do you want me to...help you?” You notice that he’s getting sweaty again.

“Uh, SuRe, MoThErFuCkEr.”

“D --> I’ll get searching, highb100d.” As he hurries off, you think you hear him mutter under his breath that he needs another towel.

You walk the opposite direction, down to where everyone’s rooms are. You walk past Aradia’s, Tavbro’s, and down to Karkat’s. You stop before his door and knock. And then you knock again. And the door opens.

“GAMZEE, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?”

You’re very happy to see him.

“BrO, c’MoN, lEt’S gO.”

“GO WHERE, EXACTLY?”

You take his hand and you hurry down to your room. Standing outside the door is Equius, who looks a lot drier than he was earlier.

“D --> Highb100d, I-oh. You already found him.”

“YeAh, He WaS iN hIs RoOm.”

“CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?”

You refuse to tell Karkat what’s about to happen, as to not ruin the surprise, but you can’t help but notice that Equius looks sorta sad. You hate seeing a motherfucker frown. 

“HeY mAn, CoMe On In WiTh Us.”

“D --> Wh-wh, really? Alright.”

You open the door and usher Equius and Karkat in. You close the door behind you, and motion for them to sit on the couch in front of your television. Karkat sits on the left side, Equius sits on the right, and you sit smack dab between the two. You pick up the remote and turn on one of Karkat’s favorite romcoms.

“GAMZ, IF YOU JUST WANTED TO WATCH A MOVIE WITH ME YOU COULD’VE JUST ASKED, DUDE.”

“I wAnTeD iT tO bE a SuRpRiSe, MaN. oH sHiT, gImMe A sEcOnD.”

You hop up and hurry over to your fridge, open it up, and pull out two bowls of ice cream. You made them special. And the best part? It’s got tons of Faygo in it. Ice cream and booze, man. Good combo.

You walk back over to the duo on the couch and present their desert to them with a flourish. 

“BoNe ApPlE tEa, MoThErFuCkErS.”

“IT’S BON APPETIT, YOU MORON.”

Despite Karkat’s protest, he takes his bowl. Equius does the same, but when he takes it from your hands, you can feel how clammy his hands are.

“D --> T-Thank you, highb100d.”

“YoU’rE wElCoMe, BrOsEpH.”

The three of you sit together and watch the movie, and as it goes on, Karkat gets more chatty about his opinions on the film, and even Equius gets in on it. You smile wide as you begin to hear their words slur slightly. You take a small scoop from Karkat’s bowl and give your two cents, and soon you’re all laughing and having a good ass time. That’s part one done. Now...to part two.

“HeY, kArKaT?”

“YEAH?”

“KiCk YoUr FeEt Up OnTo ThE tAbLe DuDe.”

“WHY? OHH, ARE WE GONNA DO THAT AGAIN?”

“D --> That again?”

“YEAH, LIKE, SHIT, I DUNNO, A DAY OR TWO AGO GAMZEE GAVE ME A FOOT MASSAGE AND IT WAS PRETTY GOOD.”

“D --> O-Oh, I see.”

“AfTeR i’M dOnE wItH kArBrO, yOu WaNt OnE mOtHeRfUcKeR?”

“D --> Uh, no. I think I’m good.”

“YoUr LoSs, DuDe.”

You slink off the couch and get down on your knees, and slip Karkat’s shoes and socks off, setting them underneath the table. You begin to rub them, working them very carefully with your hands. You smile even bigger when you hear Karkat start to purr. He melts like ice cream.

Now, for the third part of your master ‘give your favorite motherfucker a good ass time’ plan. You stop with the massage (much to the woozy Vantas’ dismay) and place your hands right below Karkat’s nether regions. Equius eyes you nervously. You turn and smile at him. You begin to undo the button and zipper on Karkat’s pants.

“GAMZ, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”

“GiViN’ yOu A gOoD aSs TiMe, MoThErFuCkEr.”

“OH. OKAY.”   
  


He twists and turns as you slide his pants down. You feel lucky that you get them off entirely. Karkat is wearing a simple pair of simple gray briefs, like his sign. However, it is clear to see that there is a decent-sized boner fighting against the underwear’s restraint. 

You pull down the waistband of the gray undergarments, and Karkat’s member springs free. A small drop of pre leaks from the tip and down his throbbing shaft. His dick is short yet thick, just like the person, it’s attached to. You glance back at Equius, and his face is blushing and there is an obvious bulge in his pants. You’ll get to him after Kar. You run your tongue from the bottom to the top of the shaft, and the Vantas shudders and groans.

“FUUUUUUUUCK.”

He places a hand on the back of your head, and you take that as an invitation to go further. You take it into your mouth and slowly bob up and down on it, teasing the tip with your tongue. Karkat’s purring gets louder, but you’re caught off guard by the hushed whimpers beside you.

As you continue to give Karkat the best bro-job he’s ever gotten, you open your eyes to look to your left and see Equius watching nervously, rubbing his member through his shorts. Unlike with Karkat though, he’s coated in sweat and there is an awfully large wet spot where his tip is. You pause on pleasuring Karkat.

“DoN’t WoRrY mOtHeRfUcKeR, gAmZ iS gOnNa GiVe YoU yOuR sHaRe ToO.”

“D --> Hng.”

You resume your intimacy with Karkat, and just as you feel he’s about to burst, you stop. The drunken mutant is confused.   
  


“WHY’D YOU STOP?”   
  


“CaUsE, tHeRe’S aNoThEr MoThErFuCkEr HeRe ThAt I gOtTa GiVe A gOoD aSs TiMe. DoN’t WoRrY tHoUgH, i’Ve GoT a PlAn.”

And now it’s time for your totally not made up on the spot fourth part of your plan. You push the table out of the way, and beckon Equius and Karkat down onto the floor with you. Karkat is behind you, and the indigo is in front. You have a feeling that if someone were reading these words, they’d be able to catch on to what’s about to happen.

“C’mOn MoThErFuCkEr, GeT iT oUt.”   
  


“D --> O-Oh.”

Equius undoes his belt and takes his member out of his pitch-black jockstrap, and it accidentally slaps you in the face.

“D --> Shoot, sorry.”

“NaH nAh, It’S cHiLl.”

You begin to suck the Zahhak off, but every time you come back up from the base, you grind your ass against Karkat’s member.

“FUCK…”

“YoU kNoW kArBrO, iF yOu AcTuAlLy TrY pUtTiNg It In It MiGhT fEeL eVeN bEtTeR.”

“OH, YEAH, RIGHT.”

You chuckle and go back to pleasing Equius. Rather quickly after doing so, you can feel Karkat pulling down your sweats, and then he pushes in. It doesn’t hurt, but it does feel great. Soon, the three of you work into a rhythm. When you move down on Eq, he thrusts in, and when you move up, you push back onto Karkat and he, in return, pushes into you. You’re lucky the walls in here are soundproof.

Soon, you feel Karkat abandoning the group rhythm, and he begins to thrust in with wild abandon. Equius does the same, and, somehow, at the same time, they thrust in and shoot their loads. It’s a sensation that you’ve never felt before, and it feels  _ great _ . They both pull out, and you collapse onto the floor.

Equius tiredly lifts you back up onto the couch, and you once again all sit next to each other just as the credits on the romcom roll. You smile as you begin to drift asleep. You made two people smile today. What more could you want?


End file.
